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Six Ways to Worship a God You're Afraid Of

Jelte ten Holt11 min read

Do you know doilies? They're those small white pieces of cloth on tables and sideboards in old people's homes. They look like they should do something: protect a surface, hold a cup. But they don't. They're the throw pillows of the previous generations.

That's priests in most fantasy stories. They bless the heroes and weddings, and initiate the quests. They say something portentous about the god whose temple they run. Their gods are supposed to be doing something somewhere (listening perhaps? Weighing souls? Doing something with the seasons?). The priest is, in some imprecise way, the local agent of this. Remove the temple, the god, and the priest, and what actually changes? Nothing, really. Like doilies, they're purely decorative.

In these stories, religions are wallpaper almost by default. The forms are there. The vestments are there. But they have little substance and produce no real consequences. If they serve any purpose, it's as the occasional plot device after which they drift out of view. The surprisingly cosmopolitan villagers share our values, our reflexes, our blind spots. Even if the religion was entirely replaced by another, those villagers would behave the same.

The Persistence is built on a different premise. The god is real and present. She is verifiably and immediately dangerous. Her church is everywhere. In the town. At the celebration. In the room when your child dies. In your mind, influencing your thoughts, fears, and actions.

What is interesting is what this does to religion. It doesn't produce theology in our sense. As people have actually seen the god, they do not stand around debating whether She exists or is benevolent.

What it produces instead is discussions about strategy. How do you arrange your life so that you can live, day to day, underneath something you cannot fight, flee, or love?

In the Persistence, there are six of them, evolved across three thousand years. They are closer to coping mechanisms than theologies. Patterns of behaviour and self-narrative that allow people to keep functioning where they otherwise might not survive.

The interesting question is not which is correct. That's like asking which colour is best. Instead, it's what each does and what happens to the people who have built their lives on them.


Vaelezar is a dragon. Not a metaphor, emanation, or spirit-of-something dressed up in scales. She lives at the centre of the continent in a city built into an actual mountain. Her children, the Brood, are smaller dragons holding seats below Her. The entire noble class is made up of their children in turn. The institutions She has built have been running successfully for three thousand years.

When something goes wrong in your life, before you have finished processing what has happened, a representative of Her Church arrives at your door. They sit across from you in the room where the thing went wrong and they explain, gently, what it all means. Your child died because the household had fallen behind on its obligations. Your harvest failed because something had become impure in the line of your tithe. When things go wrong, there are reasons, and the representative is here to begin setting things right. Cue the shaking of the donation box.

This is easier to cope with than the alternative: a child who died for no reason, a harvest that failed because the world does not care about you. People do not, in the main, prefer the free version.

The Church gives you the why. What it charges for is the what now: the tithe, the attendance, the demonstrated compliance that begins the return to grace.

It's not all stick. The church offers medicine when you cannot afford a Guild-trained healer, shelter when the winter is bad, or a loan in a bad year. But these services come with conditions. The representative who treats your child's fever is the same representative noting which families have attended this season's services and which have not. You are watched by the institution that helps you. Their help is a two-way street.

And if you appear to stray too far? Then you'll get a visit from a kindly stranger in the middle of the night, dressed in red and carrying chains.

Outside the Church, the floor is set by what the golem-owners could not be bothered to automate. Well-paid work goes to people with access you will never have. The classes above you are not the people you might become if you succeed. They are, literally, another species and related to the goddess to boot. They live for centuries. They will look the same when your grandchildren are dying as they do right now. All this puts them out of reach economically, physically, emotionally. Over three thousand years, envy has been ground to dust. Only fatalism remains.

Beneath all of this runs a constant ambient attention. The Inquisition's Listeners are in your tavern, your guildhall, the parlour of the second cousin who married into the household next door. You can only guess who belongs to their ranks. So you must behave like everybody does. You have either learned this or you have disappeared. The Inquisition is not everywhere. Nor does it need to be. It only needs you to behave as though it could be.

There is no axis along which the Persistence does not press. No part of life has been left to flourish from neglect.

Religions, historically, exist partly to address exactly the conditions this produces. The fear, yes: fear of the powerful, the unknown, and one's own end. But also an appetite for meaning and a hunger to be incorporated into something larger. That feeling that you rise up, and a thousand people in a hall become both one and uncountable. Religion, when it works, feeds this appetite, and people will go to extraordinary lengths to get it fed.

The Church of Vaelezar does not truly feed it. This is neither accidental nor a failure of the institution. It is what the institution is for. The Church is designed to manage the population's relationship with a god who is exactly as benevolent as a natural disaster. Its central tenet is compliance. Its modus operandi is transactional. Meaning is not on the menu.

Which leaves several million people with an unfulfilled appetite and a dim awareness that something they cannot quite name is missing.


The first response is the one the institution prefers. Compliance. Pay your tithes. Attend the rites. Don't catch Her eye. There is no warmth in this and no comfort, but there is also no overreach. You do what is required and stay alive. This is what the Church is. Scholars call people of this religious persuasion 'the Throne'.

Actual worshippers do not call it anything at all. It is simply what worship is. The Patriarch's tradition. The decrees, the appointments, the ratified doctrine. The Throne offers no theology beyond fear management and the steady extraction of wealth. It does not promise meaning or community. Instead, it promises that if you comply, your household will remain free of midnight visits.

For those for whom the church is peripheral, this is enough. Their lives happen elsewhere (family, craft, the local rhythms of village or quarter), and the Church, like the city walls, is something they pay for. The transaction works because it asks only what it asks, compliance is cheaper than refusal, and the bargain between the church and her followers is narrow.

The Fundamentalists are this same strategy dialed up to eleven. For them, the trouble in the world is the insufficiency of the existing observance. The tithes have grown lax. The discipline has gone soft. The syncretic contaminations are everywhere and the Church no longer has the spine to root them out. The solution is a more brutal orthodoxy. The Fundamentalists are the Inquisition's natural ally and its most useful public face. They generate the popular pressure that gives institutional violence the look of grassroots demand. They believe their own theology even as they enable the institution to become yet more extreme. Though this occasionally bothers the Fundamentalists, their work is too urgent to do anything about it.

Gripping tighter is the reflex of someone who feels the thing slipping. The lover invested in a relationship already failing, the debater raising their voice as the argument slips away, the parishioner increasing the tithe as the gods grow quieter. You commit harder as anything else means accepting you've committed yourself to the wrong cause.

The Throne is compliance that has stopped expecting anything to follow from it. The Fundamentalists are compliance that has decided more is the answer. Between them, they own the strategy of not asking.

The other four, in their different ways, reach for what the Throne refuses to give.


The Willing Servants have dedicated themselves to Zarquwa. Her father (a god in his own right) was killed by Vaelezar. She decided to serve Her rather than die alongside him. Zarquwa prospered. She helped build the cities. She was, in the end, released into the Flux as a missionary, with the goddess's blessing. The Servants have found the meaning that was lacking. Look what is available to a person who sees clearly. If submission is not coerced but chosen freely, then this changes their entire relationship with the goddess. We do not kneel because we have to but because we want to.

This is a popular tradition among the comfortable classes because it does what the Throne is unable to. The thing you were going to have to do anyway (pay, attend, submit) is reframed as something given freely. Because they chose it, the disempowered are no longer confronted with their disempowerment. It is now a part of who they are.

The Church has used the Zarquwa story for centuries to control the conquered. When the dwarves were broken, and their history was rewritten, the Zarquwa tradition supplied the ideological frame. Even the child of another god could see sense. What possible justification could a lesser people have for continuing to resist? The merchant in Velahirn who invokes Zarquwa as a personal model of dignified service and the Church official who quotes her to a defeated clan leader are using the same theological vocabulary to achieve the same end. Their sincerity simply makes the weaponisation all the more potent.


The Brood Traditions are doing something else again. Vaelezar will not answer. The doctrine permits no doubt on this: She does not comfort or respond. She does not care whether you are well. Those for whom this is not enough have come to look elsewhere. One such place is among the children. Vaelezar is the only true dragon. Her children, though draconic, all carry mortal blood. The Brood see this as weakness. The people see it as accessibility. Whether they answer is a different question. The point is that they might.

In truth, this is not one tradition but many. The Order of Beaxtur formalised devotion into a warrior code. The People of Autumn built a nature spirituality around Etewin, whose mandate is the Flux. The Science is a secretive cult of magical experimentation organised around Esebir. Below the level of these institutions, folk devotion to the Brood is everywhere: a shrine at the edge of a village, a harvest festival for whichever of Vaelezar's children seems most relevant to the harvest, a prayer at bedtime addressed to the child most likely to answer. The Church tolerates this but watches very carefully to make certain it does not eclipse devotion to Vaelezar Herself.

The Brood Traditions offer no theology, only the warmth of a candle held close in an unending winter. Enough to keep from freezing but not to actually thaw. The Brood are smaller than Vaelezar, named, each with a domain, small enough to imagine speaking to and being heard by. Not that they are necessarily kinder. The eggs did not crack far from the nest. This does not defeat the practice. The relation is what is wanted, and the worshipper supplies it, willingly, because the alternative is colder still.


The Shield reaches in a different direction entirely. She is terrible, the Shield congregations say, but She is ours. She is the wall. The Flux is beyond Her, full of hidden terrors and things that go bump in the night. And what would those things do, the Shield asks, if She were not there to hold them off? The fear becomes gratitude. The compliance becomes devotion. You do not pay the tithe because you must. You pay it because the alternative is whatever lurks in the shadows.

Shield congregations run along military lines. The services feel like musters. The doctrine is light on metaphysics and heavy on the threat posed by the outside: sermons full of what came out of the Flux and what would happen if nothing stopped it. The Church likes how this tradition channels fear outward. It produces loyalty rather than resentment. It tells the believer that their compliance is service. Service is a thing a person can be proud of, which in some respect puts this tradition the closest to what a religion is supposed to feel like.


The Syncretics are both the most fragile and in some ways the most successful of the six.

Across the Persistence, old faiths have survived by putting on the Church's vestments. A village healer-saint, whose actual veneration predates the goddess by centuries but has somehow become one of Vaelezar's blessed servants. A harvest ritual that pays lip service to the Church but originated in another realm. A little ritual where a candle is lit in a kitchen at a specific hour, and words are spoken that the Church does not approve of. Most of the people doing this do not experience themselves as preserving anything. They are doing what their grandmother did. That it did not originate with the Church barely registers.

The Syncretics have, for centuries, been the part of the religious economy that was actually feeding the appetite. The old practices were carrying the meaning the Church did not supply. The candle in the kitchen, the hour at the well, the word spoken at the threshold: these were not empty observances but the small daily places where something turned toward the worshipper. Something attended. The worshipper did not have to articulate, even to themselves, that the household's connection to the threshold-presence was what was getting them through the year. Nobody asked.

Recently, in widening patches across the Persistence, the responses stopped coming. The well is a well. The candle just a candle. The Syncretics do not know what to do with the absence. They are getting uneasy, even angry. The Church has noticed.


Six strategies. One god.

The Throne does not ask the question. The Fundamentalists answer it by demanding more of the thing that produced the absence. The Willing Servants paint the absence as the floor of a virtue. The Brood Traditions light a candle to push it back. The Shield turns the absence into an outward-facing wall and calls it defence. The Syncretics borrow what they need from a tradition the regime is trying to destroy.

Each is doing the same thing in different clothing. It's not worship. It's coping. They are getting by. The compliance happens, the tithes are paid, the rites are observed, and the worshippers go home with something (a story, a posture, a relation, a wall, a borrowed ritual) that lets them survive the day.

But the unfulfilled appetite does not go away. You can push it below the level of conscious thought, but it remains there, gazing back at you every time your gaze turns inward. You may not know what is missing. But you feel it all the same.

If this hunger remains unsated for long enough, it will express itself sideways. As drinking. As the dull weight that turns the world grey. As the simmering rage searching for a cause. The worshipper experiences these as personal failings, the wickedness of others, or the simple way of the world. They do not connect them to what they have not been given, as they have never lived in a world where it was available.

While the coping holds, the worshippers stay where they are. When it fails (and in widening patches across the Persistence, that's exactly what is happening), the slumbering hunger awakens and begins to look at what it actually wants.

A hunger that has waited this long is rarely careful about what it consumes.

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